Be a Tool

Q - What do I do well?

A - Avoid saying positive things about myself out of fear of sounding full of myself.

Anyone who has known me for a time knows that I have a problem with seeing the good things I do. For the longest time while being a youth leader at Church of the Lakes I didn't really see it as something I was "good" at. It's just where I ended up and what I ended up doing. I didn't feel like somehow there was something "good" about how I did things. Leading music, I knew I felt good about it. When someone would either thank me afterwards or say they enjoyed worship, I felt awkward. Most people would see this as a validation of what they were doing, I felt it was attention (maybe recognition is a better word) that I did not deserve. In a way, I still feel that answer is valid. We do not deserve the recognition for what we do, but all glory belongs to God.

I felt the same way when it came to teaching Sunday School for the Post-High School/College age. I did not feel as though I was an adequate teacher. And as a leader on retreats, I felt I had nothing really to offer. But after visiting a few times with the youth either to stop by to say "Hi" on a Wednesday night or driving up to a retreat and seeing how excited some were to see me, how great of a tie there was between us, I have realized something - at the risk of sounding prideful, I was good at these things. Though it was more than that. I allowed God to make me good at those things. Whether I realized it or not, I opened myself up to what he wanted me to do and where he wanted me to be. I didn't question. I just did what was in front of me with the heart God asked me to.

I feel sometimes as though I have lost that. Since starting school, I have been focused on the idea of the future and what will come and how do I get there. I've let the "FUTURE" of how to follow Jesus get in the way of the "NOW" of following Jesus. And I feel like I am probably not alone in this notion. We are creatures of planning. But it was when I tried to abandon future planning that I felt closest to God. Telling someone in a role above you that they do not need to worry so much because God will work things out and being a calming voice. That was the "now" of following Jesus. Picking up a man in a wheel chair when he dropped his groceries and giving him a ride home every week. That was the "now" of following Jesus. Figuring out ways to help kids get to retreats...the "now" of following Jesus.

The amazing part of the "now" of following Jesus is that whether or not you think you are good at what you are doing... it is GOOD. What Jesus has called us to do is inherently good and as long as we follow God's will, we can't be bad at it. So, we thank him for the love we get to show others. The GOOD that we get to show the world like a light from a city on a hill, the example for the world.

Let's humbly remember that God gives us abilities according to his will.

*disclaimer* - not an exercise in pride, but a reminder that God makes the people who follow his way GOOD. Not because we are good at what we do, but because his way is, in itself, good.

ps - sorry for being scatterbrained.